What Can I Say?
by RaeTakesTheWorld
Summary: Inspired by Carrie Underwood's What Can I say. A bad break up forms a strong friendship, and a happy ending. Drama&Fluff...is that possible? T cuz I rate nothing lower... Except 1 hahaa


**AN/ Okay guys, I know this should be Way of the Dog Prt 10...but I'm kind of stuck...no surprise there... Anyways I've been working on random oneshots for a while, and finally completed this one, so I hope you like it. Inspiration from Carrie Underwood's What Can I Say. **

**Enjoy...oh and Reviews are always welcome, you know me! I love feedback!**

What Can I Say?

**Piercing words, eyes are red  
Watched your taillights in the rain  
Empty heart filled with regret  
I know we were both to blame**

Its nights like this that remind me of you. The rain is pouring down hard from the indigo night sky. Silence rings through the crisp air.

_A hand jerks and the sound the glass vase makes as it shatters is all I can think about. _I look to the floor where the glass had landed but it's not there.

"_You crazy bitch! What the hell is wrong with you!" Your harsh voice cuts through the deafening silence. _I look to where you were standing; a little was away from where I had thrown the glass, only to find you gone.

Then Silence…

The only sounds I should hear are the drops of the cool clean water splashing against the roof of this house. (The house we used to share.) But I hear slamming of doors, shouting of voices, mostly mine accusing you, footsteps, more slams, and then the rev of an engine. I see an old memory of me rushing out of the front door and seeing you speed away. All that was left to see were your taillights fading away.

That was the last I heard of you. You never came back for anything you left behind, and I hadn't had the heart to get rid of any of it. I never had a missed call from you; nor did I ever see you in town after that night. No one talked to me about you, not even the first day after the incident. It was like we never happened. I don't know which way would have been worse; getting constant reminders that I had you, and lost you, or to have completely shut out the memories of what we were. All I let myself remember is the way it ended.

**And I'm not sorry that it's over  
But for the way we let it end  
So I said all I had to say  
In letters that I threw away**

What could I have said to make it any different? I'm ashamed of what I said, but how could I take it back now? It's over and done with; there's nothing more to it than that. I always wish it turned out differently, and I always think about what, and how it, went wrong. I always bully myself about thinking about it all too much. There's nothing I can do about it now. Maybe I should call, but I've tried that before, and I could never fallow through. I've tried every method of apologies I could think of and I couldn't do any of them. No letters, no calls, no cards, or emails, or any gifts like candy grams would have done. I thought about sending all your stuff to you, but two things held me back. I didn't know where you lived, and secondly I couldn't even look in those boxes in my closet without balling my eyes out.  
**  
And you should know, please believe me  
I've picked up the phone a thousand times  
And tried to dial your number, but it's been so long  
It's never easy, it's like tryin' to spin the world the other way  
What can I say?**

"What can I say?" I ask as I sit across from you a few days later. Finally after three years I find the strength to call you. You told me to meet you at the local Starbucks and that you would look the same as the day you walked out.

"You don't have to say anything Carrie; we moved apart. What more is too it?"

"I know but I'm just so sorry." My eyes start leaking out salty fluids as I grab the nearest napkin to wipe away my tears.

"How did it come to this?"

"What?"

"I just never really understood how we broke up. I remember the shouting, the rain, the vase breaking, and then the aftershock, but not much between everything else. Do you remember what happened exactly?"

I sobbed harder, "I. Don't. Know." I broke through gasps of air.

"I think about you all the time Carrie. I still love you, and I know that's not an excuse for never calling or coming back to work things out, but you just have to know that I was just so scared."

I cried harder.

"Please don't cry baby; I never wanted to make you cry." You whispered to me as you took my hand and rubbed gentle circles into my palm.

_How did it come to this?  
__**I think about you all the time**__  
It's no excuse, but I wish  
That I never made you cry_

"It's okay. I'm not sorry that I cry, or that I'm so upset after all this time. I'm not even sorry that we ended to begin with." I said to you after I calmed down a bit.

"I'm just sorry about how I said good bye…or lacked the fair well. " You said to me as you squeezed my hand in your warm one. Your hands were still a perfect fit to mine; and you knew exactly how to hold it.

"I know; I feel bad about how it ended between us too. I just couldn't tell you before; believe me I've tried, but I couldn't find the words to say."

"Oh I believe you one hundred percent."_**I'm not sorry that it's over**__  
But for the way we let it end  
__**I couldn't find the words to say**_

"I've tried to call, or email you. I tried to find you but I just didn't have to strength in my heart to see you, especially if you had moved on, and found yourself someone else to love… Have you? …Found someone else to love?"

"Yes, her name is Marian. She's beautiful, she's my wife, and we are having a kid in three months." You say to me. I didn't cry, because I knew you deserved to have a family.

"That's great! Is it a boy or a girl?"

"A little girl, I have a feeling she'll look just like her mama."

"And how does her mama look?"

You paused for a long time and I didn't think you would continue, but you did. "Just like you Carrie. She's blonde, hazel eyes, blinding smile; she reminds me of you every day. I love her no less than I loved/ love you."

I just smiled; what could I say to that? You took a sip of your coffee and I took a sip of mine. Somewhere I read an article about how to spot the signs that say girls are into the guy they're seeing. One of them mentioned that the female will mimic the male's actions…which I realized I was doing just then. I didn't think too much about it because, yes, I still love you.

"So do you still live in the house?" You asked, I assumed you were talking about the house we had bought together.

I nodded, "Yes I do; nothing's changed much."

"How can you still live there? Doesn't it hurt?"

"It hurts every day."

**And you should know, please believe me  
I've picked up the phone a thousand times  
And tried to dial your number, but it's been so long  
It's never easy, it's like tryin' to spin the world the other way  
What can I say? What can I say?  
What can I say? What can I say?**

"So besides that what have you been doing?" You asked me as I took another sip of my now Luke-warm coffee.

"Not much; just working a ton. It keeps my mind off things."

"No boyfriend, no kids?"

"Well I got a dog…besides that nothing."

"No one's married you yet?" You asked me and I could see the shock on your face.

"You can't rush things, you know."

"Yeah, I know, and you know that if things had happened differently I would have married you."

I was staring at my coffee but when you said that my head snapped up to meet your eyes. "Really?"

"Of course."

_I hate to think all you had of me_  
**(I said all I had to say)**  
_Is a memory I left you, placed between_  
_what was meant to be_  
**(In letters that I threw away)**  
_And the mess that it turned into_

We still keep in contact through a few calls, and emails. Over the years it's gotten better. I think we've both moved on from our relationship to form a new kind of friendship. I'm glad we did because you've been there for me when I've needed you the most in the past couple years. When my dog died you were there for me. When I got that promotion at work you threw the surprise party for me. Whenever I needed you, you always were there.

Your baby girl's almost five years old now, and she's the sweetest little thing. You wife is a very special person, and she's amazing to you (better than I was), and she's a fabulous mother. You have a wonderfully full life, and I'm glad I've become a part of it again.

I guess we are both on our way to a happy ending. After I stopped dwelling on the fact that our relationship went south I found a wonderful husband, and now have two great kids. I think it was all just a plan, a little bit of faith, and nature taking it's course.

I've finally written everything down… This is my last letter, and I take it as a good sign that it hasn't been thrown away.

I love you,

Carrie

And you should know, please believe me  
I've picked up the phone a thousand times  
And tried to dial your number, but it's been so long  
It's never easy, it's like tryin' to spin the world the other way  
What can I say? What can I say?  
What can I say?


End file.
